The culture of entitlement abound in a lot of relationships thereby making one party the Alpha and Omega over the other. Entitlement simply means the art of feeling the right to owning certain privileges and being arrogant about them. Most women feel the need that because they are dating a man, he should be the sole provider of all of their needs.Just because a man has decided to fall in love with you and date you, that does not make him a financial bank that you can cash out from at will. Click To Tweet
Last week, I saw a video going viral on the internet and I was appalled by it. What got me more upset was the fact that kids were used to pass the message. One, it was a very wrong message and secondly, it is a poor representation of what African women stands for.
Literal translation of the message is, ‘All men should listen. What’s the point of dating a guy that cannot buy you IPhone 10, give you money for hair do, buy you new clothes or even take you out on a date.’
It is one thing to receive in a relationship and be thankful for it, it is another thing to feel you deserve it just because you have the tag ‘Girlfriend’ inscribed on your forehead.
African Culture and Religion
African culture has designed men to take up the patriarchal role of been the man in the house. Hence, it is their place to provide for their wives and kids. Most women have always known this growing up and have always accepted and lived by this rule. However, we need to know that these rules are not cast in stones. It must have been the thought of one person who feels this is how things should be done. That does not take away the place of common sense or how it can be done.
After speaking to some friends in the U.K. and US, they confirmed that during dates, both parties pay for what they have eaten. Or if the man is generous enough, he accept to pay for you both. I put up a screenshot of this message on my WhatsApp Story and a lot of people came for me. I was told I am going to make men become lazy and no longer do what is right.
But what exactly is right?
This is Not Feminism
Far from the thought that women are deciding to act liberal and independent, hence the need to discard the culture of entitlement in relationships. This isn’t even about feminism, this is about doing what is right. Just because a man decides to date, does that suddenly make him an ATM or a money bag?
A lot of men have dread going into relationships just because cause of the fact that they cannot meet standards. They have shaky feet about even approaching a lady because they fear meeting up to her standards. I once started dating this guy some years back. Because of pressure from friends, I asked him for money to get a new phone. I would never forgive myself for ever succumbing to this pressure. He humiliated me to say the least and I felt really bad. Days after, I got myself the phone even though it was inconvenient to teach myself a lesson.
See this doesn’t make him a bad person, I later realized. At first, I was playing the hard to get and shortly after I accepted to date him, I was bringing in bills. What other impression was I expecting him to have of me?Success in relationships isn't measured by the amount of material possession your man can give you. But rather in receiving genuine happiness from non-material possessions. Click To Tweet
Are Relationships All About Money?
Personally, I am of the school of thought that a lady should not even ask a man for money in the first few months of dating him. Why? Because it makes you become the needy, can’t stand alone type of woman. Mind you, these excludes when there are life threatening situations and you desperately need the money.
But please, do not start dating a man and 3 weeks later, you are asking him for money to make your hair, buy new clothes, shop for new shoes? Seriously?!
A lot of women these days get treated like piece of trash just because of how they have presented themselves to men. He treats you with a whole of disrespect, talk dirty about you to his friends, and doesn’t fear discarding you when he has had his fill of you. This does not make him bad, because you have only presented yourself to him as an opportunist which is sad.
Mind you, this is not only restricted to situations like this. A man who doesn’t respect women would still do same irrespective of the situation.
Is It Okay To Ask For Money In a Relationship?
Yes, it is absolutely okay as long as you don’t bring in the culture of entitlement. But be mindful that it is very okay for him to decline as well. He is not a bank, neither are you a property. It is okay to ask him for money, if he is up to it, he could give it to you as a loan or as a gift. If it is a loan, be explicit about the payment terms and make up your mind to pay back.
Let us understand that these men are also humans and they have worked hard for their money as well just as we have worked for ours.
No man owes you anything. It is his money, not your money. Instead of asking him for money for petty things, work for a long-term relationship with him such as marriage because only then will his money be regarded as yours as well.
In the meantime, be as independent as you can.
Bottom Line on The Culture of Entitlement
Women, I understand we have a lot of needs, we crave to be spoil by the man who says he loves us and care for us. But do not make this a do or die affair. Do not throw tantrums when he says no. This does not make a man stingy, neither does he make him laid back about caring for you. In fact, I believe a man who truly loves you will know you have needs and strive to meet them. Same way you see your man in need and desire to help him.
I won’t be comfortable if my brother asks me for money because the person he is dating needs it, especially if it’s for the most mundane reason. We need to add some dignity and sense of respect to the tag ‘female’. Females are not lazy.
It is indeed sad that millennials are quick to start the comparison syndrome when it comes to relationship. We are quick to forget people are different, what excites one person does not excite another. We fail to really understand what goes on behind close doors, the part they did not get to tell us.
One demonstration of entitlement is ingratitude. The entitled person takes things for granted; she assumes rights and denies responsibility. Because she is entitled to receive all of the positive things that come to her, she does not feel thankful for what she has. She is therefore not likely to express gratitude for what his spouse provides or does for her.
What are your thoughts on these? Do you agree with the shared thoughts or have contrary opinion? Kindly leave a comment below.
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