Insecurity in Relationships

Most bad behaviour comes from insecurity -Debra Winger

It’s quite easy for him to love you to a fault and still not trust you. Very possible. It’s actually not because he doesn’t want to trust you but because he is super insecure in the relationship. Ladies feel insecure too but I’m going to focus on insecure men in relationships cos I’ve experienced a few and it makes me to understand how the other party feels.

When a guy is insecure in a relationship, he acts really paranoid and doubts everything you tell him. Every of your words, actions, posts, outings, sparks jealousy and distrust. He doesn’t just believe you.

Most times, he doesn’t even know he is insecure and when told, he chooses not to admit it. Well, his ego is on the line..makes it difficult for him to accept he is.

I once dated a guy who will monitor my every move with calls. Whenever I tell him I’m at XYZ place, the next thing is: “Give the phone to (whoever he thinks or I say I’m with), lemme say hello.” At first, I use to think this was sweet until it became so embarrassing and no longer unbearable. Our major fights always come from this ‘abnormality’.

Insecurity is never safe for any relationship. It breeds discord, incessant fights, and low self esteem.

What ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity” — Olivia Wilde

I believe every couple should be able to sit and talk about their past. Many men are insecure because of PAST BAD RELATIONSHIPS, where they have lost one whom they truly loved because they trusted them too much and these ones cheated on them eventually. Hence, this mindset has taken over their entire thoughts that no woman should be trusted.

You should read Bottled Emotions Killed Relationships

If you aren’t certain if you are insecure in your relationship, answer the below:

  1. Are you always trying to go through your partner’s phone behind them?
  2. Do you constantly ask your partner about her ex?
  3. Do you avoid confrontational argument with your partner?
  4. Are you constantly asking her about reassurance of her love for you?
  5. Are you always worried you are not good enough for her?
  6. Do you always doubt where she told you she’s at?
  7. Do you call her from time to time to confirm where she is?

If you answer yes to all the above, you are insecure in your relationship and it could make you lose her. Fret not however…you can still fix it.

It’s indeed sad, society and biology has remain in conflict when it comes to relationship, hence the inability to find a balance. If you notice you have any of this tendency, you could still work your way out of it and not lose your golden girl. You could try these:

  • Learn to trust your partner and see them for who they really are
  • Trust and love yourself deeply
  • Never stop telling yourself how valuable you are and believe it
  • Stop being defensive when you have issues; talk it out and accept when you are wrong
  • Stop being paranoid over nothing
  • Let go of the baggage of your past
  • Communicate with your partner openly and truly
  • Stop brewing up problems that do not exist
  • Focus on the positives in your relationship
  • Don’t start a relationship until you are certain you’ve put away your insecurities to a minimal level, otherwise the cycle will continue on and on…


Have you ever felt insecure in your relationship? How did you overcome it? What makes you feel insecure in your relationship? Don’t be shy, let’s talk about it…

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.”

– J.A. Konrath

Akingboye Deborah
My name is Debs, a Nigerian lifestyle blogger. This is my personal space where I share about my travel adventure, fashion and blogging tips. Feel free to send me a mail on for collaboration, sponsorship and ads.

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  • April 26, 2017 5:04 pm

    I really don’t have to trust you.but I won’t make you feel uncomfortable being with me .wikk respect your privacy.

    • Debwritesblog April 26, 2017 5:34 pm

      Thanks for reading Myra and leaving a comment. We can’t totally trust humans 100% after all…

  • jahzmene April 26, 2017 5:43 pm

    In reference to past relationships… It’s easy to distrust the other person.. Because of a particular traumatising relationship.. I had many instances of distrust… Checking phones…seeking for loopholes but I gave myself brain… He is not my ex.. Why make him pass through this unending distrust and quarrels? I made a conscious effort to relax and enjoy each day as it comes…

    • Debwritesblog April 26, 2017 5:45 pm

      And it’s truly the best decision one could take, my dear! Relationships could be challenging if it’s been filled with bad past stories but it’s awesome enjoying each day as it comes and leaving doubt for ‘Thomas’ ?
      Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, Jahzmene

  • Rich Tee April 26, 2017 9:57 pm

    This is quite a unique topic to discuss. Well in most cases even when the guy loves and trusts his girl, she gives him a reason to doubt. In a situation like this it would demand a growing up and maturity of the mind to make such a guy love and trust and stop feeling insecured. Trust is something when lost might never be regained. Overall this is a beautiful piece and I enjoyed reading. And the image above on giving Jesus the phone really got be laughing hard. Welldone and Thank you Deb

    • Debwritesblog April 26, 2017 10:01 pm

      Thanks for reading RichTee. I quite agree with you that once trust is broken, it’s hard to be restored. But sometimes, some guys just get worried over nothing and get suspicious over what’s not it at all. Making them all acting paranoid and giving their partner a reason to worry if they trust them or not.

  • Ibukunwrites April 28, 2017 9:42 am

    Hmmm!!! It finally feels great to be back here. I feel a lot of these things has to do with past experiences which aren’t just experiences but very traumatic one! I have a hard time trusting people generally because of where I’ve been coming from and relationship is a much more worse case scenario! More reason I’m unwelcoming of relationships cos I don’t ever wanna put myself through lying cycle cos at the end I realise I’m always right not to trust and not paranoid!

    • Debwritesblog April 28, 2017 9:53 am

      You couldn’t have said it better. As hard as it may be, I think it shouldn’t be a bad idea to try trusting again…It would help save the two parties from too much unnecessary drama and rift.
      Good to have you back here darl ??

  • Ibukunwrites April 28, 2017 1:39 pm

    I hope I find the grace to scale through that phase!

  • Funke olotu May 1, 2017 10:05 pm

    I am such a trustworthy person so I can’t stand being with an insecure guy, I mean I know what I bring to the table and the sacrifices have made for the relationship, not being trusted will make me sad and i can’t stand that. thank God you;re over that guy, thank God for growth

    • Debwritesblog May 1, 2017 11:59 pm

      Indeed, thank God for growth. We can’t always find people like us….Thanks for reading, Funke ??

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