Eating Disorder: Diary of an Anorexic

“Eating Disorder”

Everyone keeps saying that

I am plagued by overweight

That is all I know

My body has become my nightmare

In my society,

The ones with slim body gets celebrated

The fat ones are called disgusting names

No one wants to associate with them

I grew up with these mentality

I must never get fat

Being on the big side is a sin

It’s a dream you do not want to have

My momma says I have the tendency to be

She told me being slim means malnourishment

My papa said I am his favorite child

because I look like his grandmom

“Who died obese”

He says a fat lady is a true African beauty

And a slim lady needs help

I am beautiful enough

I just want to loose this fat

And not die like my granny!

All my colleagues are size ‘6 and ‘8

And I feel left out with my ’12

Even the clients relate more with them

And see me as the weird fat girl

Because I avoid social functions

And I am so withdrawn

As a result of this, food has now become my enemy

I dread it

I avoid it

My eating pattern is so irregular

I use laxatives after a heavy meal

My best friend said I need help

She calls it Anorexia

After all, she has the perfect size

I cannot blame her

He who wears the shoes

Knows where it hurt

“Fat is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.”-J.K Rowling

I just want to look like the girl we saw on Vogue cover page yesterday

They seem to have the best life

All glitz and glamour

No one look at a big girl twice

Fashion houses prefers skinny models

We all laughed about Tiwa’s size in Skinny Girl in Transit

I want to be like Kendal Jenner

Paparazzi follows her everywhere

My boyfriend said I am dying

I do not think so

He said I have Eating Disorder

Whatever that means

 

I am happy and content

I take more of liquids

That’s food too and more healthy

Most of all, I take time to count my calories

I occasionally have headaches

My periods are irregular

But that is fine

It will go

I am healthy

Exercising is not a problem

I workout in the gym twice daily

I would be fine

You know I will, right?

I have lost so much weight now

Totally loving my new body

And that is all that matters

“Girls developed eating disorders when our culture developed a standard of beauty that they couldn’t obtain by being healthy. When unnatural thinness became attractive, girls did unnatural things to be thin.” – Mary Pipher

Check sequel post about Eating Disorder on my Instagram here.

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8 thoughts on “Eating Disorder: Diary of an Anorexic

  • July 12, 2017 at 1:40 pm
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    Oh my! Our society has a way of shaping our thoughts. I’m a skinny girl and I’m not ashamed. My mum says I’m too lean, friends says I don’t feed well and my neck looks like Fanta bottle.

    Whatever, for all I care! I love my body the way I am. What anybody says about my body doesn’t define me simple!

    Go girl! You’ll be fine.

    Reply
    • July 12, 2017 at 1:51 pm
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      I love your view about your body!!! Very amazing and perfect!!! Thanks Lara for reading and sharing your thoughts!

      Reply
  • July 12, 2017 at 2:47 pm
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    Great thoughts and perspective indeed, society dictates everything that we do, how we dress, and how we talk. Sad really, thanks for the reminder about loving yourself. Greetings!

    Reply
    • July 12, 2017 at 2:50 pm
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      Yes, society! Greetings Blogoratti, thanks for stopping by 🖤

      Reply
  • July 12, 2017 at 6:34 pm
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    On our part we can help humanity by not calling people “fat” or “thin” . Let’s ‘use mild anguages like ” big ” or “slim” when describing people so that they won’t destest their nature.

    Reply
    • July 12, 2017 at 8:02 pm
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      Makes sense!👏👏 Thanks Wale, this is fair enough…

      Reply
  • July 18, 2017 at 10:29 am
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    I believe one should look good for himself not for the society or what people say,i try to look good for myself first.The question is do I like myself the way i am,if am cool with myself then anyone can say whatever.

    Reply
    • July 18, 2017 at 10:34 am
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      Perfect!!! I agree with you on this. Self love should always come first…

      Reply

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