Cracking The Long Distance Relationships Code

Cracking The Long Distance Relationships Code

Sequel to my last post, someone asked a question in the comment section about how to go about the issue of a first date in long distance relationships. Not quite sure if I answered correctly but I thought it won’t be bad to write a post about long distance relationships.

I’ve asked a number of people in the past if they prefer long distance relationships or not, and quite a number have said they prefer it and the others have said no.

The argument of the former is that it builds trust, self dependency, and also builds up intimacy unlike when you get to see each other everyday, the affection will wane off.

After all, absence, they say, makes the heart fonder. Click To Tweet

But then, when you are married, you get to be together forever.

Well, everyone has a point no matter how weak an argument may be. As for me, long distance is not my thing, speaking from experience. So, I guess it’s safe for me to speak on this topic. Here are a few tips I have jotted down on how to survive long distance relationships.

1. Never go to bed angry

See there’s no way two different people will be in a relationship and there won’t be a day when you both decide not to agree on something. This is where a fight erupts. This is too normal considering the fact that you are both brought up differently so it’s understandable if you have different strong opinions on issues. However, never ever go to bed without fixing it. If you do, one party or both tends to overthink it before day break and that’s just the beginning of a more brutal war.

Hence, always find a way to reach a consensus on every issue, even if it means you have to agree to disagree. It is safer and then the next day, if you still wish to address it, please do.

2. Never give room for mistrust

I once shared a post on insecurities in a relationship. This is bad for long distance relationship. Extremely bad. How can you be in a relationship and not even trust the other party? If you don’t, this is going to be harder for you both. Every action and move they make will make you suspicious. It’s advisable to have a level of trust for your partner otherwise, do not commit yourself to that relationship, it won’t just work.

Having issues in your long distance relationship? Read this Click To Tweet

3. Avoid third parties in your relationship

I can be guilty of this when I’m mad. But it’s really the death of any growing relationship. Try as much as possible to keep your relationship away from third parties and this include families and friends. Especially when you are upset. These ones will make you start having doubts about your partner, and considering that this is someone you hardly see. So it’s going to be their word against his/hers and that’s how a seed of discord begin to grow between you both.

When you are upset, rather than tell someone else, write it down and when you feel a bit better or even in the heat of the moment, share with your partner. Let them understand how badly you felt and find a way to resolve this without involving any other party. This is easier said than done, but try as much as possible to make this a part of you.

4. Keep the communication alive

This has been overemphasized in too many posts. Even for relationships that are not long distance, communication is the key; how much more a long distance relationships.

You both just need to keep in touch at all times as much as you can. Talk about everything and anything whenever you can. This way, it keeps you both going. Make use of video calls, voice calls, Skype, Whatsapp calls  and if you both are not against Public Display of Affection, call each other out on social media, mark your territories.

5. Be involved in each other’s progress

When communication is alive, you are involved in every step your partner takes. When he or she makes a mistake, you get to know about it first. That way you can come in as the best friend and parent and find a way to fix it together. Share your daily struggles, and work together to help each other grow.

When he/she achieves a huge task, celebrate your victories together in your own special ways.

6. Work and agree on a meet date

Another way to keep the sparks alive irrespective of the distance is to communicate on meet dates. Nothing makes a woman more excited than this. Even the man begin to prepare and plan towards this day. It keeps you both anticipating and excited, no matter how long it may be.

Talk about the day and plan ahead for it. Where would you meet? What would you do? How long will you be together? Where are the places you would visit? What would you wear? Never stop talking about it until the D-day.

7. No matter the distance, remember important dates in each other’s life and send gifts.

Oh dear, this is too important. I choose to talk about it last for emphasis. Surprise your partner with gifts. This is going to mean a whole lot to them. No matter how many oceans and mountains you have in between you, let your love for each other break this bounds by remembering special dates with gifts.

You can also surprise them on any other days just so they know your thoughts are with them. To achieve this, you can liaise with their siblings or best friend to make this happen. You can send shout out on her favorite radio program, send customized gift, movie tickets, deliver lunch, and a whole lot of other mushy ways of showing affection.

Long distance relationships can be hard but it takes a lot of patience, time, effort, dedication and two matured people to make it work. Don’t be scared, believe in yourselves and you both will break bounds and make this a success.

Are you in a long distance relationship? How do you cope? Would you prefer a long distance relationship or prefer to have your partner close to you? Do leave a comment below, I’d love to read from you.

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45 Comments

  1. Salmah Abdulsalam
    February 22, 2018 / 3:07 pm

    Sound advice debs. This long distance relationship is a joy killer. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so depressed lately.. it’s not easy to make a long distance relationship work.

    • February 22, 2018 / 3:16 pm

      Big time joy killer. Tried it, did not work but I did learn the hard way. Lessons always help us become better which is a good thing.

      I always salute people who do and put it all their best to make it work. Don’t worry darling, it’s going to work out just fine, best believe.

  2. February 22, 2018 / 4:03 pm

    Beautiful Thoughts…..
    But it never worked well for some of us……
    There is no Joy and Peace in Long distance relationship.
    I remember doing almost ALL of the points listed above many years ago and it still went sour
    Its a NO NO for me..
    The nearer the dearer
    So my best wishes to those who does it….
    Nice article anyway

    • February 22, 2018 / 4:07 pm

      Like a friend just said, ‘Even the ones that are nearer, how did it work out fine for you?’

      I just believe that every relationship take two matured, committed and dedicated people for it to work.

      Thanks for stopping by, Tee 🌸

      • February 22, 2018 / 4:11 pm

        Maturity, commitment, dedication, contentment and discipline does it!

  3. Newton Paul
    February 22, 2018 / 4:10 pm

    So far its been good.
    I figured out you dont just go into a long distance relationship with just anyone. There is a specific spec of individual who make long distance dating fun.
    They are natural good communicators, kind loving individuals who enjoy seeing you succeed.
    And the most important qualities of it all they are not quarrelsome
    If the person has not this qualities abeg come and be going.

    • February 22, 2018 / 4:18 pm

      Ahahahaha, come and be going indeed. I can definitely relate. Especially if you are a poor communicator 😁

  4. Mide
    February 22, 2018 / 4:16 pm

    Long distance can work if there’s trust, communication and you’re not stingy.

    Communication is very important. Buy CUG line, for, 2500 and sub 1200 (600×600) per month. It will save you the cost of buying recharge cards and you will conveniently talk for hours. Do video calls too.

    Place orders and surprise babe. 3500 pizza once in a while will not kill you.

    Plan to visit, even if na once in 2 months.

    • February 22, 2018 / 4:20 pm

      Olumide for President 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Apt!

      But what about a situation when visiting is a luxury? What’s the short cut for this?

    • Adesujiae
      February 23, 2018 / 8:20 am

      You gave my million likes jere

  5. Jasmine
    February 22, 2018 / 4:23 pm

    true friendship, maturity, great communication, mutual principles…. And distance relationship would be effective…. Or not.
    Even a close relationship is not assured….
    Close or distant… It may or may not work.

    • February 22, 2018 / 4:26 pm

      Exactly except the two people in it are willing to make it work.

  6. February 22, 2018 / 4:26 pm

    I totally agree that long distance relationships are hard especially when the other person forgets certain days as simple as Val’s day nor does the person call or send text messages once in a while… Communication like you said is the key to long distance relationships and once it fails, that’s the end of the relationship..
    Great post Deb’s😍

    • February 22, 2018 / 4:29 pm

      Very true, Debbie. Communication is an essential key to every relationship, friendship and even business success.

      Thanks for stopping by, means a lot

  7. February 22, 2018 / 7:57 pm

    No 2 is what killed my long distance relationship of over 5 years. For the fact that from my own side I lack communication skill, i rather stay all day checking my Instagram feed than saying hi to my partner.

    It started creating some kind of misunderstanding and all. But then when there is no trust the relationship is zero long distance or not.

    • February 22, 2018 / 8:06 pm

      You are right Leemah, trust is the major factor for every relationship.

      I’m glad you realized your error and learnt from it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, darl 💙

  8. February 23, 2018 / 5:04 am

    Absolutely insightful post but my story is so different,so I dated my husband in a long distance relationship for six years and even though it wasn’t a roller coaster ride ,we made it work!!! Even now has he isn’t fully around with me ,we are still making it work!! It takes total commitment and intentional work ..Long distance relationships aren’t for lazy or insecure people!!!well done debs!i enjoyed the post.

    http://www.toyosigregoryjonah.com

    • February 23, 2018 / 6:24 am

      Wow, this is amazing. It really do take maturity and lot of trust to make it work.

      Thanks for stopping by, Toyosi, mean a lot 💙

    • February 23, 2018 / 7:10 am

      I can relate dear, and I think when it comes to relationship, once we pick our lessons, we should endeavor not to let it repeat.

      Appreciate the feedback, dear 💙

      • February 27, 2018 / 1:07 am

        Absolutely. Keep up the amazing work here Debs!

  9. February 23, 2018 / 8:03 am

    Well said Debs ..Communication is key ..so is understanding everything about your partner ..It’s not easy to be honest but if you two are up for it,it will fly .I’m a living testimony .

    • February 23, 2018 / 8:05 am

      And then when you are honest, it takes a lot for the other party to believe you and not react to it in a way that will make you wish you had lied.

      Kudos to you for keeping it flying 🙌🏻

  10. Paulish
    February 23, 2018 / 8:36 am

    Very good write up … understanding on both sides is key … I prefer the distance though … it gives space for self developement till you are ready to be with each other .

    • February 23, 2018 / 8:39 am

      That’s how it’s suppose to be until one of you decide to handle it carelessly. Thanks for stopping by, Paul 💙

  11. Sebiomo Aanuoluwapo
    February 23, 2018 / 8:48 am

    Nice post Deborah, but for me, there’s no way anyone can convince me to engage in a long distance relationship. Nah!

    + I don’t think I’m a good communicator, not over that kinda distance.

    • February 23, 2018 / 8:50 am

      Your conviction is so strong. Like you are too certain about it. But then you know, most people do not plan for long distance relationship but some how, in between, one party have to move.

      Would you break up with your partner as a result of this?

  12. February 23, 2018 / 2:11 pm

    I like this Debs! But then I believe it takes commitment (I mean conscious effort) from both parties to make things work out, not one-sided. Because that can be frustrating and can kill the relationship in no time, if the other person feel they put more effort to make the long distance relationship work and the other person just does little or nothing – then trouble begins.

    However, with the thoughtful points you’ve listed; it is only a person that wants to be kept, will be kept. No force.

    Thanks for sharing babe.

    • February 23, 2018 / 2:30 pm

      ‘It’s only a person that want to be kept, that will be kept’

      How true! You are so right, Lara 💙

  13. morolayorwrites
    February 24, 2018 / 10:04 am

    Amazing read. Different strokes for different folks. Long distance relationship is not beans but then it takes a lot of patience, commitment, trust and communication for both parties. I greatly subscribe to that “Do not go to bed angry” been there, done that, it skyrocketed the following day. Any relationship at all, whether long or near, it takes a lot of work and both parties MUST be willing to put in the work. If you can’t trust your partner, please remain single, there’s no point. I learnt something from this post, thank you Debs.

    • February 24, 2018 / 10:06 am

      Thanks for shedding more light and thoughts on this, Layo. It definitely takes two to agree to walk together 👌

  14. February 27, 2018 / 10:23 pm

    Well written dearest Debby but me? I don’t think I can enter into a long distance relationship. Nah! Doesn’t work for me.

  15. March 13, 2018 / 3:45 pm

    Sounds like you’re speaking my mind. All very accurate points and that’s coming from someone who’s dated long distance for 3 years! (Now on our 4th year and still going strong ^_^)

    Great post hun

    • March 13, 2018 / 3:54 pm

      Thanks dear, I should be coming for some lessons from you.

      • March 14, 2018 / 10:19 am

        Lol. That can be arranged haha

  16. April 5, 2018 / 9:20 pm

    These are really good tips Debs. I feel like thst number 1 was written just for me😭 i actually need to cultivate some of these tips🙌🙌

    Lemonadesociety.blogspot.com

    • July 12, 2018 / 4:11 am

      I’m glad it ended amazing well for you❤️

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