Cracking The Long Distance Relationships Code

Cracking The Long Distance Relationships Code

Sequel to my last post, someone asked a question in the comment section about how to go about the issue of a first date in long distance relationships. Not quite sure if I answered correctly but I thought it won’t be bad to write a post about long distance relationships.

I’ve asked a number of people in the past if they prefer long distance relationships or not, and quite a number have said they prefer it and the others have said no.

The argument of the former is that it builds trust, self dependency, and also builds up intimacy unlike when you get to see each other everyday, the affection will wane off.

After all, absence, they say, makes the heart fonder. Click To Tweet

But then, when you are married, you get to be together forever.

Well, everyone has a point no matter how weak an argument may be. As for me, long distance is not my thing, speaking from experience. So, I guess it’s safe for me to speak on this topic. Here are a few tips I have jotted down on how to survive long distance relationships.

1. Never go to bed angry

See there’s no way two different people will be in a relationship and there won’t be a day when you both decide not to agree on something. This is where a fight erupts. This is too normal considering the fact that you are both brought up differently so it’s understandable if you have different strong opinions on issues. However, never ever go to bed without fixing it. If you do, one party or both tends to overthink it before day break and that’s just the beginning of a more brutal war.

Hence, always find a way to reach a consensus on every issue, even if it means you have to agree to disagree. It is safer and then the next day, if you still wish to address it, please do.

2. Never give room for mistrust

I once shared a post on insecurities in a relationship. This is bad for long distance relationship. Extremely bad. How can you be in a relationship and not even trust the other party? If you don’t, this is going to be harder for you both. Every action and move they make will make you suspicious. It’s advisable to have a level of trust for your partner otherwise, do not commit yourself to that relationship, it won’t just work.

Having issues in your long distance relationship? Read this Click To Tweet

3. Avoid third parties in your relationship

I can be guilty of this when I’m mad. But it’s really the death of any growing relationship. Try as much as possible to keep your relationship away from third parties and this include families and friends. Especially when you are upset. These ones will make you start having doubts about your partner, and considering that this is someone you hardly see. So it’s going to be their word against his/hers and that’s how a seed of discord begin to grow between you both.

When you are upset, rather than tell someone else, write it down and when you feel a bit better or even in the heat of the moment, share with your partner. Let them understand how badly you felt and find a way to resolve this without involving any other party. This is easier said than done, but try as much as possible to make this a part of you.

4. Keep the communication alive

This has been overemphasized in too many posts. Even for relationships that are not long distance, communication is the key; how much more a long distance relationships.

You both just need to keep in touch at all times as much as you can. Talk about everything and anything whenever you can. This way, it keeps you both going. Make use of video calls, voice calls, Skype, Whatsapp calls  and if you both are not against Public Display of Affection, call each other out on social media, mark your territories.

5. Be involved in each other’s progress

When communication is alive, you are involved in every step your partner takes. When he or she makes a mistake, you get to know about it first. That way you can come in as the best friend and parent and find a way to fix it together. Share your daily struggles, and work together to help each other grow.

When he/she achieves a huge task, celebrate your victories together in your own special ways.

6. Work and agree on a meet date

Another way to keep the sparks alive irrespective of the distance is to communicate on meet dates. Nothing makes a woman more excited than this. Even the man begin to prepare and plan towards this day. It keeps you both anticipating and excited, no matter how long it may be.

Talk about the day and plan ahead for it. Where would you meet? What would you do? How long will you be together? Where are the places you would visit? What would you wear? Never stop talking about it until the D-day.

7. No matter the distance, remember important dates in each other’s life and send gifts.

Oh dear, this is too important. I choose to talk about it last for emphasis. Surprise your partner with gifts. This is going to mean a whole lot to them. No matter how many oceans and mountains you have in between you, let your love for each other break this bounds by remembering special dates with gifts.

You can also surprise them on any other days just so they know your thoughts are with them. To achieve this, you can liaise with their siblings or best friend to make this happen. You can send shout out on her favorite radio program, send customized gift, movie tickets, deliver lunch, and a whole lot of other mushy ways of showing affection.

Long distance relationships can be hard but it takes a lot of patience, time, effort, dedication and two matured people to make it work. Don’t be scared, believe in yourselves and you both will break bounds and make this a success.

Are you in a long distance relationship? How do you cope? Would you prefer a long distance relationship or prefer to have your partner close to you? Do leave a comment below, I’d love to read from you.

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Akingboye Deborah
My name is Debs, a Nigerian lifestyle blogger. This is my personal space where I share about my travel adventure, fashion and blogging tips. Feel free to send me a mail on for collaboration, sponsorship and ads.

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  • Salmah Abdulsalam February 22, 2018 3:07 pm

    Sound advice debs. This long distance relationship is a joy killer. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so depressed lately.. it’s not easy to make a long distance relationship work.

    • Akingboye Deborah February 22, 2018 3:16 pm

      Big time joy killer. Tried it, did not work but I did learn the hard way. Lessons always help us become better which is a good thing.

      I always salute people who do and put it all their best to make it work. Don’t worry darling, it’s going to work out just fine, best believe.

  • richteewrites February 22, 2018 4:03 pm

    Beautiful Thoughts…..
    But it never worked well for some of us……
    There is no Joy and Peace in Long distance relationship.
    I remember doing almost ALL of the points listed above many years ago and it still went sour
    Its a NO NO for me..
    The nearer the dearer
    So my best wishes to those who does it….
    Nice article anyway

    • Akingboye Deborah February 22, 2018 4:07 pm

      Like a friend just said, ‘Even the ones that are nearer, how did it work out fine for you?’

      I just believe that every relationship take two matured, committed and dedicated people for it to work.

      Thanks for stopping by, Tee ?

      • richteewrites February 22, 2018 4:11 pm

        Maturity, commitment, dedication, contentment and discipline does it!

  • Newton Paul February 22, 2018 4:10 pm

    So far its been good.
    I figured out you dont just go into a long distance relationship with just anyone. There is a specific spec of individual who make long distance dating fun.
    They are natural good communicators, kind loving individuals who enjoy seeing you succeed.
    And the most important qualities of it all they are not quarrelsome
    If the person has not this qualities abeg come and be going.

    • Akingboye Deborah February 22, 2018 4:18 pm

      Ahahahaha, come and be going indeed. I can definitely relate. Especially if you are a poor communicator ?

  • Mide February 22, 2018 4:16 pm

    Long distance can work if there’s trust, communication and you’re not stingy.

    Communication is very important. Buy CUG line, for, 2500 and sub 1200 (600×600) per month. It will save you the cost of buying recharge cards and you will conveniently talk for hours. Do video calls too.

    Place orders and surprise babe. 3500 pizza once in a while will not kill you.

    Plan to visit, even if na once in 2 months.

    • Akingboye Deborah February 22, 2018 4:20 pm

      Olumide for President ?????? Apt!

      But what about a situation when visiting is a luxury? What’s the short cut for this?

    • Adesujiae February 23, 2018 8:20 am

      You gave my million likes jere

  • Jasmine February 22, 2018 4:23 pm

    true friendship, maturity, great communication, mutual principles…. And distance relationship would be effective…. Or not.
    Even a close relationship is not assured….
    Close or distant… It may or may not work.

    • Akingboye Deborah February 22, 2018 4:26 pm

      Exactly except the two people in it are willing to make it work.

  • officialgentlegeorge February 22, 2018 4:24 pm

    Quite insightful.

  • Debbrah Maxwell February 22, 2018 4:26 pm

    I totally agree that long distance relationships are hard especially when the other person forgets certain days as simple as Val’s day nor does the person call or send text messages once in a while… Communication like you said is the key to long distance relationships and once it fails, that’s the end of the relationship..
    Great post Deb’s