Rebuilding friendship with your ex should be a personal and healthy decision. One you are not forced to make or do just because you want to please another person. We are all humans and we have individual differences which could make us not work. However, depending on how the relationship ends, you may choose to forgive, heal, move on or rebuild such relationship.
There is no easy breakup and it can take forever for some to heal or forgive. On the brighter side, some people create beautiful friendships while dating and it may even be harder to let such go. So while it is very okay to get really upset, you can still choose to rebuild a relationship with your ex. Rebuilding such relationship could make you heal better or become a better person. And you never can tell, it could help you both start dating again.
On the flip side, if you are in another relationship, you may want to be careful and respect your partner’s boundary. Just because you want to keep a friend, you shouldn’t lose a husband or wife. For the purpose of this post however, we would focus on the tips that can help you rebuild friendship with your ex.
6 Ways to Rebuild Friendship With Your Ex
#1: Give It Time
Try your possible best not to be a pest in their life. It’s okay to seek closure by nagging at them every time; but once you are completely over them, take a break. It’s wrong to sit by your phone waiting for a message or call from them after the break up. This will not help you heal but cause more hurt.
Find other fun activities to do and keep yourself engrossed in, build up yourself during this period as well. Ensure you are totally over them before deciding if you still want to remain friends or not.
#2: Admit Your Mistakes
When a break up happens, the party involve are always quick to pass the blame. It’s always about what you did wrong and never about how I contributed to it. Most times, our actions always lead to a counter actions that caused the breakup. So it is important to admit your fault first to be able to mend the fence between you both.
#3: Forgive Each Other
You have to truly let go of the past. There’s no point talking about when your ex was a jerk and rubbing it in their face. That’s only going to breed more animosity between you both and worsen the situation. If you are yet to forgive them, then do not attempt to stay friends.
#4: Set Boundaries
As it stands, you both are just friends and that’s probably because you respect and admire them. Let it remain so and set boundaries. No late night visits, no unnecessary video calls, no unscheduled visits, there should be no light kisses or romance. You can only entertain any of these if you are trying to get back together.
#5: Keep Conversations as Honest as Possible
Your relationship with your ex could have hit the rock as a result of dishonesty, there’s no point keeping that same energy as friends. If you want to be friends, then keep the friendship as honest as possible with an open mind. Let it be a sort of learning phase for you both to becoming better persons.
If your ex choose not to remain your friend, do not take it against them. They could have a genuine reason why they do not want to be your friend and this does not make them a bad person. You may still always remain that person they were attracted to. Going back to what used to be is indeed a hard decision and it should come naturally.
Would you remain friends with your ex? What reservations do you have about this and what other point would you add to the list?
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I love this post, because I can honestly relate with all the points you made. I’m still friends with my ex, but just like you mentioned, it took time for us to get there. We didn’t talk for over a year which was hard because we talked every day, but we got past that, and past all other things you mentioned.
Today we’re good friends! There’s a boundary obviously to what we can talk about, but there’s no hatred or any form of resentment, in fact sometimes, we joke about some of the things that made us break up, and I’m so happy because that’s growth for me.
Great post as always Debs!
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I am really pleased to read this, Mide. At least, it goes further to buttress the fact that not all exes are bad. And I truly love the part where you both had to stay away for almost a year, I think that must have added to the healing process and growth on each part.
Thanks for sharing your story hun, really appreciate.
Nice write up. I can’t really relate though as I believe the best thing to do with an ex is just keep your distance, stay far away from each other as much as possible, don’t check his social media posts or want to know what’s going on with him. That way you can move on as quickly as possible and not create another problem for yourself by having to explain to your current partner why you’re still close with your ex. My take anyway. Good job as always 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
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I also agree with you, Funmi. For some people, staying in touch may even be more toxic and create more problems for their new relationship. Hence, it is very important to understand one’s self before deciding if to keep in touch with your ex or not.
What a wonderful write up, I must say this though, many factors determines whether you can still be friends with you ex or not. 1 of these is the amount of sacrifices you made in the relationship if you made too many and your ex initiated the break up then it might leave a sense of foolishness in the heart, nobody wants to be constantly reminded of his/her foolishness 2. Your opinion of your ex also goes a long way to determine whether friendship is possible . If you think he or she is the perfect guy/lady for you even though you are not dating anymore, as long as love still exist in your heart then friendship will not work.
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Great pointers. I’m in total support of 2. If you haven’t completely gotten over him or her and you still want a relationship, it’s best to stay away. Because it will hurt more to have two heartbreaks by same person.
Thanks for weighing in your opinion on this discussion.
This comment is actually a representation of how I have felt in times past. Like, I literally don’t want to be reminded of my foolishness. 😂😂
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I can relate before you wake up to hear that almost every morning. And you start to ask yourself how you got here.
First of all, you look amazing. Secondly I’m friends with most of my exes.. probably because I’m so chill and most breakups are usually amicable on my part at least. If an ex doesn’t want to be friends, I let them be, but for those who choose to remain friends, I wholeheartedly welcome them.
Author
Apt!!! This sums it all up. Never force any friendship with your ex, just make it as stress free as possible. Before one create more sleepless nights for oneself.
Thank you Salmah for sharing your thoughts.
The tips you gave are very valid however, I don’t think I’d want to remain friends with an ex For one I feel it would be awkward plus I think there’d always be a maybe in the mix Nah I’d rather keep my distance . Nice post though 👏🏾👏🏾
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I get how you feel hun. If it’s very important to protect your space, by all means please do. There’s no point going back to what will brind back negative vibes.
Except you decided you do not want to lose a friend in that ex.
These tips are very valid and going through the comments, it’s nice to see other people’s POV.
Matters of the heart are super delicate and we literally can never agree.
In my opinion, I can still be friends with an ex, as long as we set clear-cut boundaries and we are absolutely over each other, because I know that my first basis for being in a relationship with someone is being friends first.
If I feel that the person is worth it, then definitely.
These tips are practical and would be very helpful for people seeking to be friends again!
I am friends with two of my exes. The last one is a total write off. Not interested in being friends with him at all.
Nice post Debs and your outfit combo is lovely.
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Thank you Gift. I can totally relate. It’s best to bond with people your are cool with and let go off negative vibe.
I can’t overemphasize the timeliness of this post! I learnt a lot! However, I’m a firm believer in making sure you are emotionally sound & totally over the break up before moving on to become friends with your ex.
Author
Absolutely Sophie. I agree with you totally. Otherwise it could cause more harm than any good. Thanks for stopping by.
I like how you stated that to each its own, there are some exes i never want to talk to again, no bad blood. i just don’t need that energy around me. but i have an ex as a really close friend cause our friendship is too important because we stopped dating
. love the angle of the post
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I totally agree with you Funke. Some breakups aren’t totally a waste,and one shouldn’t say the final goodbye because you are no longer dating. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.